


Between Us, Trees and Apologies

by Biltchibo



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, guess that didnt work as planned, it was supposed to be just fluff, they just need to talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 03:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11199735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Biltchibo/pseuds/Biltchibo
Summary: It's Valentine's Day, Connor had been weird and Evan is freaking out.(Or the AU no one asked for where Connor is an architect and he met Evan - that was starting environmental engineering- at college in his second period eight years ago)





	Between Us, Trees and Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> so, this is my first fic in English and i'm actually pretty nervous about this haha  
> but a friend of mine told me it was a good idea  
> so here i am  
> yay  
> sorry for any mistakes made

They were together for _six years_ now, but have been friends for eight. So it was normal to Evan – even if still was kind of scary, he _was_ more confident now – asking for them to move into a bigger place. Because yeah, they were living together, and yes, it was comfortable, but they could afford something bigger, with just the space they needed.

Okay, first things first, he knew moving, buying a place for themselves, was a  _big step_ – maybe too big, Evan thought after some time. 

It was nothing like the first time.

Because what they had was just an  _agreement_ , wasn’t? They finished college and Connor was already working and he didn’t want to go back to his parents' house, and Evan didn’t want for him to be by himself – because it’s not like he didn’t trust him back then - which he did, he just… Was worried? So when Connor offered him to move in, he promptly accepted.

Well, he wasn’t expecting Connor to put him off. For almost a fucking year.

Actually, it was the last thing that he expected Connor to do, because when Connor don’t want something, he just says it. And well it wasn’t the best feeling to be practically ignored by your boyfriend. He would be fine if Connor vetoed the idea, but nope, he wasn’t alright with what was happening.

He was acting strange, not like I’m-thinking strange, but the I-can’t-even-handle-being-around-you type. It started subtly, nothing too much, or that had caught Evan’s attention at the time. But you see, Evan is not blind. He started noticing by the fifth month, and still, wasn’t so much, so he decided to let it be. Actually, he denied. 

_Until it was too obvious to deny._

But the signs were there for anyone to see it.

No, he didn’t say anything, and no, Connor hadn’t had an episode for a long time now, and it wasn’t even with him, and Evan didn’t remember doing something besides that that could lead them into this situation. 

And he wasn’t cheating on him, this was one thing Evan was pretty sure, because Connor is not one of those guys, he’s honest, and kind, and Evan is so in love that he can’t, he just can’t let this slip away without trying.

But yeah, Evan knew he was being  _deliberately_ avoided. Had he forgot to mention this? Connor would leave before he could wake up and arrive when he was already sleeping, and even in weekends they wouldn’t see each other properly. The excuse Murphy gave him was 'work', but when Evan called – no, he wasn’t checking on him, he actually needed his opinion – and the receptionist said he was leaving in his normal schedule, well let’s say Evan’s worries became a little more real.

So yeah, he finally saw the signs.

The question was  _why_ .

And now Evan was worried  _and_ terrified that he pushed too hard and had dug the grave of his relationship. He hadn’t felt like that I a while. What a life, uh?

 

So, today was a big day.  _The_ Big Day.

Yeah, capital letter.

Valentine’s Day.

Their dating anniversary.

Six years.

And Evan was freaking out because he was sure Connor would break up with him, that day, soon he had the chance. It could only be that, Evan was sure. So he would prepare himself. He had a speech, he would try to talk and convince him to not leave. They could fix that, it could always be the way they were before… And if it couldn’t… Well, Evan already had a number to call and cry. He just had to make sure Jared wasn’t going to freak out and do something stupid. Which was going to be a difficult task.

He had a knot in his throat, an ache in his head and a tightness in his heart. He was not ok. Not at all.

 

But he had to do this. He was no longer a teenager and he shouldn’t be afraid to talk to Connor, his partner, his boyfriend, his best friend.

_God help him._

That day they awoke early, and to Evan’s surprise, Connor was all smiles, like he hadn’t been in a long time, the sun was beautifully rising in the sky while they stood in the window with a cup of hot cocoa and sweatshirts in that beautiful autumn day. The morning was lovey dovey and he almost forgot what the last months felt like. He wasn’t lonely, he wasn’t afraid of anything, he had Connor by his side again and felt like he could do everything. Until it  _hit_ him.

What if Connor was giving him the best day before they break up? What if this was… What was the term? Oh yeah, the ‘Death Sigh’. He was living a  _Death Sigh_ , and now, the day wasn’t so bright anymore. It was like getting better before it dies…

Oh my, what if they were breaking up that day.

Connor wouldn’t do that…

_Would he?_

No, he wouldn’t, Evan was just being stupid. He hoped so.

Next thing, they were watching a movie. They used to do that. They would take every Friday to cuddle and watch movies. Not romantic ones, like this they were seeing now. No, Evan loved them, but Connor preferred something different, something with more meaning or just stupid at all, so they got into an agreement…  _Again_ … And they seemed happy about it. Well, he was now. They watched until it was late, and Evan felt loved with all of this.

He felt hopeful. Maybe they wouldn’t break up  _at all_ .

It was by the start of the evening that Connor’s expression grown serious.

And Evan. fucking. knew.

“We need to talk.” oh no, “But I need to take you somewhere, so we can speak properly” Jesus no, “Like the grown-ups that we are” _nonononono._

He couldn’t. They couldn’t.

Fuck, Connor! Why today? It was a perfect day,  _pleasepleaseplease._

But he went. Because it was Connor, and Evan wouldn’t deny him that. It was his right after all.  _Why would he want to be with someone so disgusting after all?_ He handled it well, eight years, yeah, it was a good time. Now Evan can go back to loneliness and self-depreciating. Good times.

… It had been so long since Evan felt like _this_. He actually believed he could be with him forever. Naive, wasn’t him?

He sighed as they entered the car. Connor chose a song… Their song. And Evan noticed his eyes wetting. Why this?  _Why with him?_

And now Connor was singing, discretely, like he always did, pretending nobody was listening, but knowing Evan was fully hearing every word, with a smile in his face and a light in his eyes. God, he loved him. And how would he miss him. Maybe he could get a kiss before all goes to shit? Maybe one last time? Or was it too begging? Fuck, he didn’t cared, why did he had to let this go. To let this over.

_Because he doesn’t want Evan. Because being with Connor would only make him a burden._ And Evan loved him too much to make him carry Evan.

“Are you alright?”

Damn, he was looking.

Evan forced a smile and wiped the tears.

“Yeah, I’m emotional today, you know how all of this makes me feel.”

Connor smiled a little and stopped at a sign, leaning and kissing his forehead.

“I love you” _lie_ “This was a great day” _is not going to end well_ “And you’re gonna love this” _he doubted that_.

But he just nodded and made sure that he kept his damn smile in the face this time.

The car ride lasted for more 20 minutes before they stopped the car. It was already darkish and a soft cold breeze made its way between Evan’s ears, sending a shiver through his spine as they walked out the car.

“Told you to bring a jacket” and grinned, taking another jacket from the car, “Luck I know you enough to prepare”, he placed the jacket onto Evan’s shoulders, and the knot went down his stomach.

Tears blurred his vision.  _Why was he doing this?_ Why was he treating so good if he was going to dump Evan?!

They walked for a while, the tension filling up Evan’s being. Jesus Christ this was torture. Evan took the lead, not really seeing anything in front of him, and then stopped, turning around to face Connor.

“Why are you doing this?” he confronted, couldn’t take it anymore.

Connor seemed genuinely confused. “Doing  _what_ ?”

“You’re being this lovely and- and romantic, when you and I both know you’re going to break up with me, And I know, I _get_ that you wanted to give one last happy day with you before you kick my ass out of your life and really, _I see why_ , I understand why you can’t take it anymore, because why would anybody want to be with this mess, so please- _Please_!” he looked away “Just end this so it won’t hurt as much as you pretending.”

Now he looked nothing less than astonished, speechless, while watching a gasping red Evan with big hot tears down his face.

“Please” he pleaded. Connor took a step back and murmured something. “W-what?”

“Evan. What the _hell_.” he said firmly, shaking his head “Why would you think that?!”

Now it was Evan’s turn to look startled.

“The signs...”

Connor sighed, realizing something then.

“You think that I would dump you in the _Valentine’s Day_? Our anniversary? What the fuck?”

Evan shivered again, but he was sure it wasn’t from the cold.

“You’ve been ignoring me, lying to me, pushing me away. If you wanted to break up, you could have just done it already.” there he was, crying again. _Disgusting._

“Evan! What?! No! I- I’ve bee- No! It wasn’t like this!”

Evan smiled sadly. “Oh no, Connor? Beside today, when was the last time we had done anything like a couple? Kissed? Sex? God, our Movie Fridays? I felt lonely and unwanted, and I can’t do this. I can’t have this day and then go back to that. If you want to go, do it  _now_ ”

Connor came closer to him, his expression wincing when Evan flinched at his proximity.

“Evan, I am so sorry.” he carefully took Evan’s hands on his. “I- I had no idea I…” he sighed “No, I had. I knew what I was doing, but I was trying to convince myself you would like better this way.”

Evan glanced at him, his eyes hurt and curious. Connor squeezed his hand firm.

“I’m sorry, ” he started, “I was planning to do something special.” he started to pull Evan by his hand, leading the way through some trees in a trail, feeling his heart bump in his chest, trying to make it’s way out of it. He was so nervous. “We’re together for a long time now. Six years.” he stopped slightly, “The _best_ six years of my life. And I have no doubt about it. Even if I… Was ‘Out’ last year you was still there, supportive, caring, making me feel _adored_. I’m sorry I could return that, but I swear- Evan, I swear. There’s nothing I would love more than be with _you_ , and take care of you. If you still want me to.”

Evan felt warm, but Connor didn’t seem to be done with his speech. He looked at the blonde right in the eye as they continued to walk.

“You know me. You know my weaknesses and strengths. You know I’m unsure and volatile with some topics and others- But Evan, if there’s one _fucking_ thing in this world that I’m sure, is that I love you. You saved me, in _every_ way possible, and if there’s someone who’s not worthy of all of this, is me.”

Connor stopped again, this time grabbing Evan’s shoulders, pulling him into a hug, his eyes wet.

“You’ve been always by my side and I don’t even deserve it. I’m sorry, I’m so- _So_ fucking sorry I made you feel that way.”

Evan grabbed him, loosing the control among the tears and the sobs and-Oh, how had he missed Connor. He felt his boyfriend’s hot tears falling into his shoulder, his smell-  _Connor’s_ smell, of his shampoo and coffee, he felt his warmth, spreading in his body, and he clenched them closer, not wanting to let go ever again.

They stood like that for some time, now there were stars in the sky, beautifully painting through the treetops.

“You wanna know what I was doing?” Evan nodded, “You remember that talk we had? Like, one year ago?”

Evan knew  _exactly_ what he was talking about, but he was suddenly lost, why come back in a subject that caused  _so much_ . Connor broke the hug, feeling somewhat nervous.

“I thought about it. I was… Doing something in the past year. I wanted to be finished, so I could show you the whole thing.” he guided Evan for a bit more and then… Then they made it.

It was a huge house. Bigger than Evan ever dreamed living on.

It still was smaller then Connor’s parents’ house, but it was more than enough.

And it was beautiful.

“I designed it myself. My dad, oddly enough, helped me to find the right people to make it quick and safe. Well, not quickly enough, as you could see.”

And well, how could Evan not burst into tears again after this? Connor went to him, cautiously.

“Are these happy tears or…?”

Evan smiled slightly, his arms wrapping around Connor.

“You are the most _amazing_ person.” his face hidden in the curve of Connor’s neck. “I’m sorry I doubted you.”

“No, no. You were right. I was the one who left you alone. I made you feel abandoned and alone, and that is so not okay.” he leaned his forehead on Evan's, “But I promise you: That will _never_ happen again.”

They smiled accomplices. It was all back to normal. Kind of.

“Want to get in?”

And the house was as beautiful inside as outside. It wasn’t furnished yet, but there were already things there, like a fridge, and a stove; a few, maybe three in the whole house, chandeliers here and there; the wardrobe, fixed on the wall in their room – that was pastel blue, just saying; the sinks;  _a bath,_ that Evan was pretty sure he was in love.

At the corner of the living hall, an entry to an oval wood deck, with a chandelier and three big ass windows, that led them to a breathtaking view of a field. This, this was home now.

“I took some liberties, as creating an atelier for myself and a garden in the backyard… And… Uhm, I-” Connor scratched the back of his head, he was nervous, you could tell. "Y-you know, i don't like making long future plans. I like to deal with all as it comes... But- You see, I took the liberty to put an... Additional room." Evan's eyes were still red from all the crying, but it didn't stopped them from shining lighter as he began to understand. "I'm not saying _now,_ but... You know, maybe sooner than I told you last time"

And in that night, the night that Evan was so afraid, everything was perfect, despite all insecurities, he was sure now, they could survive another day.

**Author's Note:**

> hope ya'll liked ;)
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr here: http://biltchibo.tumblr.com


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